Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Preparing for the Rapture

Heard about this website on The Daily Show yesterday:


The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are
taken up to heaven.

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have
just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

How is this accomplished, you might ask. It's a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset.

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that.

This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven.


No comment.

5 Comments:

At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Aggie Nostic said...

If I had a nickel for every Christian who anticipated the return of Jesus down through the ages, I'd be richer than Bill Gates.

I was alive 20 years ago, which was the last time rapture-mania took hold. Hal Lindsay's "The Late Great Planet Earth" was a bestseller. Fundamentalist churches were teaching that the Book of Daniel's symbolism of the Bear and Eagle represented the USSR and the USA respectively. Armageddon was to be a showdown between these two superpowers. The year 1988 was forty years after the founding of the State of Israel (another supposed prophecy of "God's word").

I could go on and on. But, the point is that this kind of crap has gone on since Jesus was nailed to a tree. It seems to come in waves. My theory is that each new generation of Christian, ignorant of the last, repeats the nonsense of their Christian predecessors. It would be laughable if it didn't have such tragic consequences. This email service is relatively benign. But, there are people who adjust their current behavior in anticipation for not being here beyond a certain point: High schools students forego college. Adults fail to save for retirement. Etc.

Anyone remember Y2K hysteria? I managed to talk my religious family members from doing anything drastic in preparation for "the End." To the Cosmos, a nice even number like 2000 means nothing. Only a self-absorbed, self-centered fundamentalist would think that the Universe cares about this human time metric we call a "year."

Questioning the Millennium: A Rationalist's Guide to a Precisely Arbitrary Countdown
by Stephen Jay Gould
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0609600761

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger ocmpoma said...

The best thing about this little gem is that the computers, networks, and telecommunications systems that would be used to send such emails are all products of the scientific process, as is the web site itself.
Hilarious.

 
At 8:10 AM, Anonymous Don T. Know said...

If the majority of spammers are Christians, I have one thing to say to Jesus: Take 'em away already!

 
At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My theory is that the Rapture has already happened and all the sincere, believing Christians who lived by the laws of the Bible and the teachings of Christ have been taken up into heaven. However, while their families no doubt miss both of them, their absence went unnoticed in the wider world. Note the number of fundamentalists were NOT among those taken up...

 
At 5:32 AM, Blogger Alvin Miller said...

My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

At: http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman/


eschatology,End Times,second coming,rapture,secret rapture,Second Resurrection,Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead,
End of days,Day of the Lord,Endtime,Judgment Day

 

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